Friend Rob and I were talking the other day about manners. It’s irritating how much people don’t use them. What’s so hard about placing a little “please” at the end of your request? Or a little “Thank You” after someone did something for you?
I sometimes feel like a dick when I insert ‘please’ and or ‘thank you’ at the end of someone else’s request, but it’s more because I don’t want people thinking THEY’re dicks, you know?
Like, if I’m at a restaurant or bar with someone, and they ask something like: “Can you get me some napkins?” I will dot-dot-dot myself in there and add “…Please?”
Most of the time people don’t realize it and are not being rude in the least, so I do it with a smile and a friendly nudge. But if you do it like they owe you a favor and you add a little spunk to you request that then makes it sound like a demand, I will make a point of making you feel guilty about your manners.
“Thank You” and “Please” are the basic tools of manners, but people hardly use them anymore. Or worse, they just don’t practice good manners, period.
Like most people, my family drilled manners into my head as a child. Even the simple things like greeting someone the proper way before asking for someone on the phone. Actually, that’s my favorite one because it made me laugh as a child and still does every time I hear my family in Mexico reprimand people on the other end.
Like someone will call the house:
Uncle: “Hello?”
Caller: “Is Cesar there?”
Uncle: “…….”
Caller: “…Hello?”
Uncle: “Yes, hello”
Caller: “…Is Cesar there?”
Uncle: “…..Good Afternoon”
Caller: “Oh, sorry. Good Afternoon, is Cesar there?”
Uncle: “Sure, hold on. CESAAAAAAR!
So yeah, bad manners, common courtesy, professionalism, everybody has it in them, but many people, sadly, decline to exercise those kind muscles.
I was going to work yesterday, and when I got to the bus terminal, there were two buses waiting. Because this is where the route starts for a couple of buses, this is normal and you never know which one is going to leave first, so sometimes I ask.
As I was deciding which bus driver to ask, a third bus pulled and opened its doors. I shyly approached the bus and asked if he was leaving first. As if I was the one that pee’d in his cheerios, he snapped:
“I opened my doors to let you in, didn’t I?”
I got on and said I asked because I wasn’t sure because there were two other buses already there before him.
Bus driver: “Yeah, but you’re on this one now, ain’t you?”
Me: “Awww, there’s no need to be rude. Good Morning!”
Bus driver: “There’s no need to ask dumb questions. Now you getting on or what?”
Me: “Why you being rude?”
Bus drivers: “I ain’t got time for this. Pay and sit down or get your ass off the bus”.
Me: “Ok. I guess I’ll play. (As I paid my fare I wiped the smile off my face) Here’s two dollars and fifty cents. Now, do your job and take me to my destination, BUS DRIVER.”
I then to took a seat. For the whole ride he would occasionally glance at me in his mirror, and when I would catch him, I would wave and smile, which I’m sure got him even more mad.
I felt horrible treating him like that, but I’m sorry, he deserved it.
Dear crabby bus driver: Welcome to the douche-bag club.
Manners are especially important to servers and waiters. Why people are rude to them is beyond me. I was at the theater last week and friend Shaun was bartending. After serving someone he came over and didn’t seem happy. The credit card line was down that day, so we were telling people that if they had cash it would be great. (because otherwise we would have to fill out the forms by hand and that’s always a pain.)
So a guy comes to the bar and orders drinks from Shaun. As the guy opens his wallet, Shaun could clearly see some 20 dollar bills in there, but the guy hands Shaun a credit card. Shaun politely asks if it’s possible he could pay in cash because the credit card line was down.
Guy-Douche: “So you guys can’t take credit cards?”
Shaun: “Well, it’s not that we can’t, but it would be a bit of a pain”.
Guy-Douche: “…A pain for you or me?”
Shaun: “Uh…well, me.”
Then the guy stared at Shaun and held out his credit card.
Yup, I placed that guy in the douche-bag club that night right away.
Even if you don’t like someone, there’s always room for manners and professionalism. I don’t get how people can be so oblivious to this when it matters most. But thing is, most of the time, they KNOW they are being rude, but simply don’t care because they think the person they are being rude to doesn’t make a difference in their life and is beneath them.
If someone is being rude to you, then sure, let’s play. But if someone comes to you in a nice professional manner, why is there a need to flex your muscle and be rude? There’s no need and they know it, but they simply don’t care. And that’s a shame.
Makes me think of a favorite ‘Honeymooners’ line delivered by Jackie Gleason as “Ralph Kramden”:
“Be kind to the people you meet on the way up….because you’re gonna meet the same people on the way down”.
True…
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Lotto time!
This is the part of my blog where I pick an entry in my phone, facebook, or email list by using the most recent Lottery numbers and say something nice about them.
OK, the latest Lotto numbers were 7-10-27-37-46-47
Let’s try to do Facebook this time and do something different with the numbers. So, we’ll take the last set of numbers, 47, and add them to make 11. So we’ll go to my 11th friends page.
Next we’ll take the second-to-last numbers, 46, and add those to make 10.
So on my 11th friends page, I’ll count down to the 10th person and find…TJ Jagodowski.
TJ is arguably one of the best improvisers in the city. Anyone that knows him will tell you super nice things about him because he seems to sweat niceness. There’s not much that hasn’t been said about him so I’ll give it a shot.
TJ and I went through classes at iO at about the same time. Although we might have crossed paths in the same class room once or twice, we never did a scene together. A little after we had ‘graduated’ from the training center and started to perform regularly at the theater in front of actual paying houses, we were chatting about iO stuff and out of the blue he said to me, “You know, even though we came up together, we never got to do a scene together”.
Maybe it was the way he said it, but that moment has always stood out to me. It came from a genuine place and he seemed almost apologetic that we never found ourselves on stage together.
That was years ago.
I recently started playing in iO’s ‘Armando Diaz’ show, which is a privilege to say the least. TJ plays in that show as well (DUH!), and after having played a couple of times, I noticed that I did a scene with TJ. The next day at our weekly poker game I leaned over and commented to TJ how that was the first time we had done a scene together. He perked up, thought about it for a moment and said, “No, we did a scene together a LONG time ago. Yeah, you were…” –He went on to describe a scene he and I did a very long time ago. I had completely forgotten about it, but sure enough, he remembered and knew exactly what had happened. He then winked and patted me in the back.
Again, I don’t know if it was the way he said it, but him remembering that scene from a long time ago almost seemed like a compliment. I don’t know how to describe it, but it felt really good and I remember feeling very proud to consider myself his friend. (Yeah, this guy has no problem with the ladies)
TJ, thank you for being my friend.
